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Would be as sweet.

Or would it?

I’ve been paying very close attention to kisses recently.  I never used to.  A kiss was a kiss.  As a child, I avoided them completely.  I remember watching “Little House on the Prairie” and screaming, “Mushy!  Mushy!” when Mary Ingalls got her first boyfriend.  And later, when I became a hopeless romantic, like Talia, I honestly just saw them as a small part of a bigger story.

But recently, I’ve been living in the mind of my teenage self.  The self that, at first, had never been kissed and wondered what it truly felt like.  And then, the self that hungered for the perfect kiss.  The one that wasn’t awkward.  That didn’t taste of cigarettes or hot dogs.  That didn’t involve a gear shift in the ribs or the suddenly illuminated porch light.  The one.

I’ve become increasingly and more vibrantly aware that some people fake it.  I know, can you believe it?  Some romantic movies are absolutely ruined for me.  The chemistry isn’t there.  The actors bodies are too close together or too far apart.  It’s not real.

It happens in books, too.

And here are some things that I’ve noticed:

1. Kissing is not just an action, it’s a feeling.
2. There has to be an initiation and a response. Is there hesitation?  Awkwardness?  Desperation?  Fulfillment?  Does it lead to more?  Does it lead to an argument? You, as the writer, choose what to do with this.  Or your characters do.  
3. Internalization is good, too.  First kiss?  Yikes.  First kiss with the right person?  Yes.  The kiss that makes the rest of the world disappear?  Wow.
4. Kissing is not just about the lips.  Yes, lips are good.  Lips are important.  But what about scent?  Taste (is there tongue?  And how do you write that without sounding pornographic?)  Eyes?  Hands?  Bodies?  Is it a leaning-over-the-table kiss?  Or a full-on-body-slam kiss?  Two entirely different things.
5. The kiss can make or break the romance.  For me, anyway.  A kiss has to be believable to believe the chemistry between the star players.  

This is one of the great and eternal difficulties in being a writer.  Getting it right.  I can’t say that I do.  I haven’t the faintest idea if I do or not.   But I know it when I see it (like so many things, right?) and when I do, it just feels right.  It is so much easier to find what is right in other people’s work than in my own.  I know what I try to do.  And I know when I like what I’ve done.  But I guess it remains to be seen if my readers feel the same way.

I'm a self-confessed hopeless romantic who believes in love at first sight and soul mates and even true love.  Books are a wonderful place to explore these concepts and nothing gets me turning the pages more than a great romance.

The best romantic writers make it look easy.  But there is so much more to a satisfying romance than boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl.  It has to be earned.  I love good chemistry as much as the next person, but I need to know why these two belong together, why they can't be just as happy with some other hot person who makes their blood run hot.

One of the dangers of writing romance is that the couple comes off as superficial, and the reader never invests in the emotional connection between the characters.  This is something I struggle with.  I fell confident I can infuse enough tension and fireworks to make it clear the couple is attracted to each other, but that's just scratching the surface.  How can a writer show the growing emotional ties that make the reader swoon?

I don't pretend to have the answer, but here are some things that I like to see.

1.  Complications:  A couple earns their romance by overcoming obstacles to be together.  Maybe its a past indiscretion, a competing love interest, a fear of intimacy, a family feud, a class distinction, a lie.  Sure, you can have a couple meet, grow closer and live happily ever after, but as readers, we're more invested (and interested) if the couple has to work for it.

2.  Real Intimacy:  I'm a huge fan of Spencer/Tracy or Bennet/Darcy style banter in romance.  I love it.  But while flirtatious arguments can build the tension, there has to be something more.  Quieter, real moments when the couple shares personal experiences and begin to really understand each other.

3.  Chemistry:  I know, I know, chemistry alone does not a romance make. But even the biggest obstacles and true intimacy won't get me invested if there is no chemistry between the couple.  Without chemistry, the story might as well be about siblings or best friends.  The romance can be sweet or sexy, but there has to be some real attraction between the couple.

4.  Likeable Characters:  Even with all of the above in place, I can't care about a romance if I don't like the people involved.  I don't want Pollyannas, but each partner needs to have some redeeming qualities that make them likeable.  As a reader, I want to fall in love along with the heroine, but I can't do that if I can't relate to her.  And I want to fall in love with the hero.  For me, this is what keeps me reading into the night. Give the characters some flaws and quirks that make them come alive, but don't forget to make them sympathetic and lovable.  That's really the point, isn't it. 

Some things that I can do without in romance:

1. Obstacles that are Too Easily Overcome:  Nothing makes me feel cheated more than an obstacle that keeps the couple apart for the entire book, but could be easily overcome if the couple just talked to each other.  Usually this involves a misunderstanding that is obvious or readily explained.

2.  Characters that are One Dimensional: While this is true of any book, it is magnified in romance.  Romance is all about the characters and how they come together emotionally.  No emotional depth equals death to romance.  

3.  The Happy Ending:  What?  No happily ever after?  Get out the hankies.  Some of the most romantic stories involve characters who tragically never end up together.  Think Romeo and Juliet, Gone with the Wind, Love Story. You care about the love story even though it doesn't end the way you hoped.  Why?  Great romance is about the journey, not the end.  It's about believing in this couple and their destiny even when it doesn't end well.  Talk about earned. 

Well, I have to say, Emma is a tough act to follow.

I am so impressed with the maturity and insight in her answers. It made me wonder... How do boys approach romance in books?

My first step in answering the question was to call my local bookstore. Here's what they had to say about boys reading romance:

"I wouldn't say they [boys] balk at romance in stories, but it isn't the first thing they seek out. We hand-sell good stories with good writing here, but with reluctant readers, we do tend to recommend books with boy protagonists. Rick Riordan and David Levithan sell to both boys and girls. Stories that feature both boy and girl perspectives and friendships. But I know plenty of boys who have read the Twilight series because they get pulled into the story, or they're curious about what's going on in pop culture."

My conversation with my bookseller left me believing in that oft-repeated truism more than ever:

Good stories sell.

What about book covers, I asked. Do they influence how boys choose books in your store?

"Oh, absolutely. You don't really find boys picking up books with feminine cover design, no matter that the story holds inside."

No surprise here, right?

Next I called around to "the guys," my little sampling of young adult boys. I promised to keep them anonymous because I wanted them to be able to answer openly and honestly about loooove.

Valentine's Day - Cool or Not Cool?

J: This one was cool, but usually I'm not a fan.

me: So it depends who you're with?

J: Totally.

B: Not cool. There's too much pressure.

What's your perfect date?

J: A nice dinner. Maybe a movie afterward. A good night hanging out.

B: Skiing or a hike. Just spending time together.

(I found this so interesting. These answers were so laid back, like Emma's. It seems most of us find "hanging out" the most romantic thing possible. And yet we hear so much about the big romantic gestures.)

Flowers? A showy gift or something personal?

J: Showy. Flowers are good.

B: Something personal. I can't do flowers.

How do you feel about romance in movies and books?

J: It all depends. I like action and adventure. Sci-fi. The romance part has to come at the right moment. If it's too lovey-dovey, I get bored.

B: Right. It can't be the only thing in the story. It can't be super-sappy, like every single line, because then it doesn't feel real.

So there you have it. Boy readers appreciate books with gender-neutral covers, and that keep romance real and as a story element, not the story element.

So this week is Valentine's and everybody's mind turns to roses, hearts and love, right? Well, maybe not. I'm in the midst of trying to recuperate from that horrible cold, flu, coughing, plague-like stuff that is going around these days while at the same time dealing with a Colorado winter that has, so far, featured a -40 degrees wind chill. It's enough to slap the romance right out of you. On top of all that, my Valentine's present this year was a Brighton necklace to hold my reading glasses around my neck so I wouldn't keep loosing them. Pitiful. Even so, the theme for this week's blog is romance and I knew, especially in my current state of mind, I needed some help. I needed the advice of an expert.

My expert came in the form of my friend, Emma. That's her in the picture up there. She's a pretty, opinionated, sixteen year old who gives amazing advice to young adult writers about the whole subject of romance. Emma took the time to answer my questions from her own unique perspective and in her own voice. Take a look at our conversation below:

So what about Valentine's Day? Is it cool or not?

Nobody's into Valentines' Day, not even the ones who have boyfriends. A big dinner date out with a guy would just seem to cliche. Romantic to me is more about hanging out with friends--casual, relaxed, no pressure. It's not about big pick up lines. It's more how the guy acts, than what he says. He acts proud to be with you, maybe he puts his arm around you...touches you, but he doesn't act like he's totally amazed that you would be out with him.

So you're saying nobody likes "the big flower delivery to the desk in front of everybody" anymore?

I haven't done something like that since I was in middle school, but maybe it depends on the group. The drama group likes big, splashy things like that, but the down to earth group would feel pretty uncomfortable. They like things to be more private.

So, in your opinion, what would be a really romantic date?

I think going on a hike up Horsetooth Mountain would be great. I like it when a boy is super outdoorsy--a boyfriend you could go on an adventure with. I like boys that are snowboarders and hikers. I think it's really cool when a guy tries to be really good at something. And any kind of art. I especially like it when a guy is into art.

Flowers? Presents?

I wouldn't appreciate flowers. Maybe sunflowers? It would be romantic if a guy gave you his artwork. That would be awesome. You would have to be really comfortable with someone for them to give you something they made, because you could totally critique it.

What would you wear on a romantic date?

I always wear jeans and a tshirt or a shirt with long sleeves. Some of my friends give how they dress a lot of thought. Not that they dress up, they just have a certain style. If you can't keep your style with a certain boyfriend, then you shouldn't be dating them.

What kind of boys are you attracted to?

I'd like him to be able to hang out with my family. My friend's boyfriend always helps her family cook and stuff. He's accepted and her parents kind of like him.

As far as looks go, I like kind of hippie boys, with sort of long hair. He doesn't look like his outfit was "thought out." He should have a good smile and good teeth. I'm kind of a freak about teeth. I don't really care if he's good in school as long as he's smart. That's not the same thing.

My friend likes her boyfriend to be really nicely put together with his hair neat and in place. He definitely has some ideas about how he wants to look. I guess it's the clean cut vs. hippie.

What's a movie you would consider romantic?

The Notebook

What part did you consider the most romantic?

Probably not the parts you'd really consider to be romantic. I liked it most when they were talking, arguing, eating ice cream, and then they were kissing. Not the big, obvious love scenes.

What advice would you give to Young Adult writers about romance?

*I like to read about relationships, not romance.
*I like books where the main character isn't naive. She's able to have a natural, comfortable relationship instead of having her attracted to someone and her not knowing what to do about it.
*I think authors try to relate the attributes too strongly to a character. If she's shy, she too shy and if she's confident, then she's too cocky.
*Showing that girls still have insecurities is ok, and it's ok if the guy knows about it. It's ok to show vulnerability.
*Don't have one person being in control of the relationship.
*Instead of making it super dramatic throughout the whole story, make the relationship really good, then something happens thats a fall through and changes the way the main character feels about things.
*If its a good relationship, then its not just the two of them all the time. The girl has friends and the guy has friends. Then its real.
*They can also be best friends, not just romantic all the time.
*They should share jokes and stuff like friends at first, not serious right away, then it can be a lot more fun.

I found it fascinating that Emma's perspectives on romance, plot, and characterization often mirrored some of the best presentations I've heard from the most successful editors and authors in the business. From her sixteen year old voice, and my future audience's perspective, I found her responses incredibly insightful. Hope you did, too.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's!